Monday, 19 May 2008 14:48 by MadMat
Space, 2114.
The Earth has finally been swallowed up by it's closest neighbour and formed some kind of mutant-cyborg planet called Lobos-6.
The people of Earth had no say in the naming of the new planet; that was decided by a committee of space ninja's and the remains of the Harlem Globe-Trotters.
Quite strange really, considering neither the space ninja's or Harlem Globe-Trotters exist outside the 4th dimension. But I digress.....
Everyone on Earth was bitter about the renaming of the planet, none more so than the Signwriters Guild who had to commission a whole new set of stencils. Stencils could only be made (by law) from 'the finest polar bear skins' and since polar bears were $15,000/kg it would prove costly (and ultimately cripple the Earth economy, but that wouldn't be for years).
The greatest signwriter of all was Harvey "McGriffin" Rosenstein, a new-age hippie from the mean streets of New York. Harvey has been given the alias "McGriffin" after a bar fight in which he drank 5 shots of whiskey and then reproduced asexually. Times were indeed dark....
Never-the-less, Harvey was a happy man, and he loved his wife, Terri, more than anything. Which caused him considerable pain when he discovered Terri was secretly a ball twine dressed up to look like a woman. Deep down, I think Harvey always knew, but due to his dependence on heroin, he was hardly ever sober long enough to form a rational thought.
So, Harvey was busy painting a sign one day to commemorate the opening of the new Ear, Nose and Throat Museum in the Latin Quarter. Harvey was being paid handsomely for his work, so he wanted to do a good job. He selected his finest brushes, paints and glitter and climbed the 4ft ladder to reach the top of the new museum. By the way, the museum was only for midgets.
Harvey finished his work with 1hr to spare then took a well deserved break. But in a freak accident, Harvey fell from the ladder, hit his head on a barrel of snakes which happened to have been positioned next to the ladder and then suffered a gruesome death by the aforementioned space ninja's.
Yes, the future sure is scary!
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